Baba's Story

  Copyright @ 2019 Mirjana Vinčíć-Katić

  Iguana Books

  720 Bathurst Street, Suite 303

  Toronto, ON M5S 2R4

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise (except brief passages for purposes of review) without the prior permission of the author or a licence from The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For an Access Copyright licence, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free to 1-800-893-5777.

  Publisher: Meghan Behse

  Editor: Mary-Anne Kanny

  Front cover photo: Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

  Front cover design: Laurie Kallia and Meghan Behse

  Issued in print and electronic formats.

  ISBN 978-1-77180-340-1 (paperback). 978-1-77180-341-0 (hardcover). 978-1-77180-342-7 (epub). 978-1-77180-343-4 (Kindle).

  This is the original electronic edition of Baba's Story.

  Baba’s Story is in memory of my brave and wonderful sister-in-law Ljubica Vinčíć, née Borkovic, and many other women who came to the city of Hamilton in Ontario, Canada, after the Second World War to marry men they’d never met before in order to have a better life.

  Ljubica came to Hamilton on New Year’s Day, 1957. She married my brother, Dusan Vinčíć. On October 13, that same year, she gave birth to their eldest child, son Stevan (Steven), who became the first-born Canadian in our Vinčíć family. Two years later, Ljubica gave birth to twin girls, Lillian and Lydia. Another son, Aleksandar (Alex), was born later.

  Ljubica and Dusan’s marriage and their way of raising their children was an inspiration to all who knew them. They also sponsored many of their extended family members to come to Canada.

  In the last few months of Ljubica and Dusan’s life, their physical health was failing them. Their children and grandchildren each took turns to care for them. They both died in their own home in 2011, two months apart.

  Forward

  In order for the reader to comprehend this story, some background might be helpful. The novel takes place in a remote village in the Balkan Peninsula, close to the Adriatic Sea. This area of the world has experienced so many wars and skirmishes because of different ethnicities and religions. The Ottomans were significant and long-time occupiers.

  They ruled the Balkans for over 400 years.

  The Ottoman Empire inflicted many harsh rules on the people. The most lamentable punishment was taking healthy male children from their parents; the Ottomans turned those children into their best warriors called “Janicari.” The boys’ identities were hidden from them. They were not allowed to have any relationships with women or marry while they were in their prime.

  Parents who didn’t want to convert to the Muslim religion and were afraid their sons would be taken away, escaped to remote mountainous regions to hide.

  Due to that, they removed themselves from the modern world’s progress and development, worked very hard to survive, and accepted their lives as normal because they didn’t know any better. If they were not hungry or too cold, they were happy.

  After the Ottoman Empire was defeated and the First World War ended in 1918, a new kingdom was formed, known as the Kingdom of Serbs, Croats, and Slovenes, called Yugoslavia. The new government built public schools up to grade four. Villages were small and one school served more than one village. It was also hard to find teachers who wanted to work in such remote areas.

  Parents were not keen to send their children to school. They did not perceive the importance of education, especially for female children.

  When the Second World War broke out, the young men from those villages were hunted down to join the fight. At first it appeared to be a united front repelling enemy forces from Germany and Italy. That all changed when Josip Broz Tito and his Communist followers created a civil war in Yugoslavia. It was such a confusing time, trying to figure out on whose side to fight on. Your worst enemies were your next-door neighbours.

  There were big massacres among the major ethnic groups: Croatians, Serbians, and Muslims.

  Tito won the war with Western support, taking over Yugoslavia and making the Crown capitulate.

  Many young men from small villages were fighting against Tito and his Communists and were on the side of the kingdom of Yugoslavia and the Crown.

  Once they lost the war to the Communists, they had to leave the country and retreat over the border to Italy to survive. Many of those who tried to return home were killed.

  The League of Nations, now called the United Nations, set up camps for displaced persons in Italy where these young men, who were mostly 16 to 18 years of age, some even younger, were sheltered. Eventually, some of these young men came to Hamilton, Ontario.

  There was a lot of work in two steel plants: The Steel Company of Canada and Dofasco. Since most of the new arrivals were mostly illiterate, they were assigned heavy manual labour. They were used to working hard.

  Many had difficulty learning the language and assimilating into the Canadian culture. Their culture from back home reminded them that it’s shameful to admit you don’t know something, so they created their own community among themselves and considered this their family.

  After becoming more comfortable with their new lives, these new Canadians wanted to start their own families. Some of them who were more outgoing married Canadian girls; others wanted to marry girls from their own villages. At that time, there were no match-making agencies. But many men still believed in their cultural motto, “Parents know best about whom their children should marry.” Those young men put complete faith in their parents to match them with sensible girls. There was a problem of finding girls their sons’ ages because all the girls who were good and healthy were married. So, parents matched their sons with girls who were often more than 10 to 15 years younger.

  It is coincidental that The Hamilton Spectator published population statistics for the city on April 12, 2018, writing, “There are 12,000 more women than men over the age of 65 in Hamilton.” It could be that those women who came after the Second World War contributed to this difference.

  Chapter 1

  One day, Sofija came home from school happily expecting to see her great-grandma, but when she entered the house, she found her sitting on the floor. She realized something was wrong with Baba.

  Sofija asked, “Why are you sitting on the floor, Baba?”

  Mitra saw that Sofija had turned white and was worried for her. Smiling at Sofija, Mitra told her that everything was all right.

  “I slipped a little and slid to the floor. I wasn’t able to get up and the phone wasn’t near me. I am not hurt; I’m all right. Help me get up, won’t you?”

  Sofija threw so many questions at Mitra: “Are you sure you are not hurt? Why didn’t you call us? Stupid me, you already said you were not able to reach the phone.”

  Sofija tried to help her baba get up, but even with her best efforts she could not. Sofija said that she was going to call their neighbour across the street.

  “Yes, you can call if Clara is home, but don’t call Adam,” Mitra insisted.

  “Why not?” Sofija asked, “He is much stronger than Clara.”

  “Please, no,” Mitra said for the first time with a raised voice, “No.”

  “All right, Baba, I won’t.”

  “The reason I don’t want Adam to come is that I’m all wet underneath. That’s why,” Mitra admitted.

  Sofija called the neighbour Clara who came right away. She moved the kitchen chairs to Mitra’s side and asked her to put her arms on the seat of the chair and grab the sides of the chair to pull herself up. They turned Mitra on her side, then on her belly, but it didn’t wo
rk. They tried to turn her on her side again and set her up.

  Somehow, Mitra grabbed the chair and with all her might started to pull herself up. The two of them were trying to lift Mitra’s bum and legs. Pulling and pushing, they eventually got her standing again. Sofija was still upset with what had happened to Baba. Clara helped Sofija to undress and shower Mitra and dressed her in clean, dry clothes.

  The whole family was upset with what happened to Baba. The decision was made that Mitra could not be home alone anymore. She needed someone to look after her when they were away. Mitra’s family hired an older woman named Zelma, who was still in good shape, to look after her when nobody was at home. Every time, when they asked Baba if the woman treated her well, she would always tell them, “Yes, yes, she does.”

  One day, immediately after Zelma went home, Sofija sneaked into the house to check on her baba. When she came close to her, she whispered, “Hi, Baba.”

  In fact, Zelma wasn’t treating Baba well; however, she was treating herself very well by eating the good food, talking constantly on the phone, and reading books. Baba was very unhappy with the woman, but she did not want to upset her family, so she kept quiet. She didn’t know what to do.

  One day, she revealed her feelings to her friend Mara and asked what she would do in this situation.

  “Do you think I should move into a retirement place? I hear people get treated very well there, and it would solve my problem.”

  Mara told her that she knew a lady who was in such care.

  “She was my next-door neighbour. I go sometimes to see her, and she tells me she is happy with the place.”

  “Can you arrange for me to visit that place and see for myself?”

  “Of course, I can. I will phone her tonight and ask her. Her name is Evica.”

  “Please call her.”

  Once Evica heard from Mara, she made inquiries on Mitra’s behalf.

  Evica told the assistant responsible for admissions that two ladies would like to come to check out the place. One lady was interested in moving in, if she liked it, she added. The establishment was always looking for potential residents.

  The next day Mara informed Mitra that she could visit the establishment on May 5th at 1:00 pm, if that was agreeable with her. Baba told her family that her friend Mara would pick her up and they would go to visit her friend and neighbour, Evica, in Maple Retirement Place for seniors.

  “Can you please call Zelma and tell her not to come tomorrow? I won’t be home,” Baba asked them, without mentioning what was on her mind. But her son Marko thought that she might be thinking of moving.

  Mara drove Mitra there and introduced her to Evica and a manager. The establishment was very friendly and gave her lots of information; they even offered her drinks and some cookies.

  Mitra never promised anything that day, but she was inclined to move into the establishment.

  * * *

  When Mitra came back she spoke about the things she had seen. She told her family that the place was quite nice, the staff was very friendly, and the food was good. Mitra went a couple more times, to be sure about her decision. She found Evica quite friendly too.

  One day, soon after these frequent visits to the establishment, Mitra told her family about her intention to move there. They were disappointed that she would do that. They liked their baba to stay with them because she was always fun to have around.

  When the family started to question her about why she was doing that she said, “Please understand me. I like living with you and I know that all of us get along very well, but everyday, I am getting older and weaker in my limbs. I need someone to be with me all the time because I’m afraid that I might fall down again. I know you got Zelma to look after me, and I sincerely thank you for that. She cost you quite a bit of money, but she wasn’t worth it. If you get another person, I am not so sure that person will be any better. For that reason, I’ve decided to go.”

  Mitra had common sense when it came to decision making, and when she decided to do something, she always carried through with it. She claimed this would be the best solution for her and for the whole family. They knew that Baba’s decision was final, and she could not be persuaded to change it.

  They felt guilty for taking her for granted. Her family considered her indestructible because she was such a strong character, and she’d taught them all to be strong and positive. Baba took care of them when they were growing up, but they let her down.

  Marko fired Zelma instantly, despite her pleas that she would do a better job taking care of Baba. Mitra did not want to tie down Marko so she decided to move on May 25th.

  When Sofija heard this, she cried; she did not want her baba to leave her. Mitra convinced her that everything would be fine.

  “You have to be happy for me because I am going to have good care and be safe. It is not too far for you. You can visit me any time you want. I will always be happy to see you and talk to you, my dearest Sofija.”

  Marko, Doris, Stefan, and Sofija went to see where their dearest Baba was moving to. The staff received them pleasantly and showed them around the place. Baba’s future room on the fourth floor looked very large and sunny. Marko asked several residents how they liked living there. Some of them told him they liked it, but a couple of men only shrugged and murmured with low voices, “not bad.” Marko wasn’t so sure whether the place was as good as the staff tried to convince him it was.

  Once more, Marko asked Mitra if she was sure that she wanted to move away from home. Her firm answer was, “Yes, I’d like to. I think I’m going to be all right.” The family had no choice but to accept her decision.

  They made arrangements with Baba for what she wanted for her new place and how she would like to furnish her new room.

  Marko believed that she would not last very long there; he thought she would soon ask to move back home because Mitra had never lived away from her family. Because of this, he suggested she only move her most essential things at first.

  When the day came for Mitra to move to Maple Retirement Place, the weather added to her sadness. Heavy, dark clouds hung close to the ground, dripping slow spits of rain.

  Chapter 2

  Mitra could not sleep the whole night. She tossed and turned every which way but found no comfort after each turn. After tiring herself out, she closed her eyes and dozed off an hour before she needed to get up.

  She dreamt she was in a very thick forest, trying to find her way out. Suddenly, she heard a loud thump coming from somewhere. Mitra opened her eyes and looked around. Everything looked so strange, until she realized this was not her home but the Maple Retirement Place. This was her new spider web environment.

  This was her new home now, away from her real home and the family she’d enjoyed for 70 years.

  After realizing where she was, she remembered the nurse telling her the meal times: breakfast at 8:45 am, lunch at 1:00 pm, dinner at 5:30 pm.

  Mitra was told to be downstairs at 8:30 am to wait in line to pick up her breakfast at 8:45.

  “Lunch and dinner will be brought to your table,” the nurse warned her. “Be on time for meals; otherwise you may go hungry.”

  Mitra was wondering whether to go for her regimented breakfast; she decided not to make waves and follow the rules.

  She had never thought separation from her family and the comfort of her home would be so traumatic, sad, and painful, but how could anybody imagine such an enormous change, unless one actually experienced it?

  Mitra slowly got up and stepped into her private washroom to do her morning needs before heading downstairs. In the washroom, she lifted her head and looked straight in the mirror.

  She looked strange; her skin was sagging, wrinkled and covered by age spots. Her eyes were still full of tears, swollen from crying all night, two sand dunes underneath them. She held tight with both hands to the edge of the sink, because her balance wasn’t strong.

  She looked at her hands and saw thick blue veins meandering under her sk
in, as if they were worms trying to suck the remaining life out of her.

  She eased her tight grip and noticed that her veins receded somewhat, but her loosened skin became more prominent. It looked like all the muscles under her skin were melted away, revealing bones, moles and age spots.

  Mitra never noticed before how much her body had changed since she’d fallen a couple of months earlier. She felt she’d aged 10 years. She looked once more to the mirror, shook her head and exclaimed, “So this is me at 90.”

  She nodded her head again.

  “No, I don’t recognize this face anymore.”

  With a painful grin, she wondered whether her life was worth anything, either to herself or anybody else, since her vitality seemed drained.

  “There’s no more purpose in my life to go on living. Now, I am vulnerable and depend on someone else to help me get on, but since my death is so inevitable and not far away, I wish it would come sooner rather than later.

  “I regret very much that I’m no longer in my family circle and I don’t see young people around me anymore. Instead, all around me I see old, unhealthy people, walking around in circles like zombies, pushing their walkers or their canes just like me. The smell of human excrement, the sight of stained garments and mouth drool, the sound of whimpers, is ever-present in the establishment.

  “It feels we are serving a prison sentence here for the crime of living too long.”

  Mitra still believed in village culture that said the old should live and die among their family; her grandmother was a very lucky woman to die in such a way.

  “Yes, I have had a much better life than my grandmother; still my end is scary and regrettable because I will die alone with nobody in my family to hold my hands, so I can have a smile on my face because my dear ones are around me. That’s the kind of death I always dreamt of and wish for as my ending.”

  Mitra shook her head as if being angry with herself. Why was she so bitter and melancholic? It is not all that bad!